The best medicine for Confusion...

How do you fix something that isn't broken? Better yet...what if it is broken but you have absolutely no idea what is wrong. Then what do you do? Guys need to come with an instruction manual or something...because sometimes it just gets ridiculous. I could probably smoke about 4 packs of Marlboro lights right about now. Stress at its finest.

My job isn't helping whatsoever either. GODDD DON'T GET ME STARTED!!! TOO LATE! Here I go...This program that I'm working has gone to complete SHIT!! It's unbelievable. It has come to the point where I want to just punch every person that comes near me in the FACE. There is NO organization, they can't pay us on time [which is kicking my ever loving ass in the long run] AND I have to work bullshit hours. Also seeing as I'm a veteran from last year, which by the way was the greatest year ever, the people I used to work WITH, I now have to answer to. POWERR TRIPPPPSSS!!! This one girl I work with cops a mad attitude with me when I work with her...Does she honestly think I won't hit her in the mouth? Cuz i will...we don't have a HR center...i could get away with it.

The man who now runs this years program is about as smart as a f*cking rock. He graduated a year ahead of me...so like seeing him as the MAIN guy running this program, well lets just say, I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN! There will not be a team next year at the rate we are going. I would just like to talk to him and tell him hes a f*cking moron, and should be kicked off this team forever. I hope he blames this program sucking on the people working it, cuz hes the behind the scenes kinda guy while we are out and about. I just want him to say something about us not being on the ball...cuz i will kick him in the balls and then tell him REALLY why this is shiiiit!

Ok im done venting for now...

Peace and LOVE people

June 13, 2006

I like to go back and read the journal I used to write in religiously...So Im gonna share some of it...

"So what do you want me to do? You can be sneaky all you want but don't you know I'll find out? How do you explect me to be head over heels when shes pulling the rug out from under me and you.

I know you have too many notches for your bed post to show, but they shouldn't be still adding up. You said the carving was done. So why do the numbers keep poppin up?

She spits her words out at a close friend because she knows the damage she wants to do. Now whether or not it's true is whats making me disapprove of this encounter between you and I.

*****

That awkward conversation was forced upon me Monday between me and someone who never fails to start a pointless fight. I gave him up, but it seems like I gave up a like that I used to have too. It was like breaking it up broke my friend apart from me too. Yes we work but not 24/7. Phone calls aren't being made between friends. I'm missing out on everything, but its ok for now.

*****

I can't seem to get the past out of my head. Lately my first broken relationship is lingering in the front of my mind. He's gotten me out of his head I believe, and has his new obsession. As I write this my moms alarm is on and as I'm talking about him his myspace song comes on. Weird.

Anyways, I miss old times. There are too many problems and not enough solutions in my life. i'm lonely and nothing seems to fix it. Lonely=Broken right now so I guess call me broken.

It's not that i want our relationship back. Thats not what i want. But to be friends would make it ok. I miss his friends that were once mine. My lonliness isnt fair to anyone but you."